Sweet Memories (sniff)

I've been looking forward to this day for quite some time and now it's finally here (whoopee)!  I'm talking, of course, about my high school graduation.  Yes, after four long years of SATs and APs and college prep out the wazoo, I'm going to be leaving my precious Hell Hole High. 

Ok, fair enough, you caught me; there have been some good times.  I've made friends and learned a lot.  I'm so used to studying like a madwoman at HHH I'm confident I'll be able to succeed in college and beyond.  I'm sure I'll hear similar thoughts during today's ceremony when various people make their well-intentioned but utterly boring speeches.  That's why I won't be saying any more of that goody-goody nonsense.  Nope, on this momentous day in my life, I have just one thing to say: SO LONG SUCKERS!

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Nerdoscience

As the clock ticks closer and closer to my graduation, the focus of my life shifts even further from high school onto college.  Of course, this makes sense--as one chapter in my life ends, a new one is born.  Inevitably, the two questions I get asked most often are the following, which tend to occur in quick sequence of each other:
1) Where are you going to college?
2) What are you going to major in?
   Now, proud as I am about my college choice, I'm not about to go on parade announcing where I will be spending the next four years of my life to the Internet.  As overprotective parent will tell us, if the Internet is chock full of anything, it's chock full of creeps, and who wants a bunch of creeps knowing where you live?  (This classification, of course, excludes my lovely readers.  Yes, I'd be happy to share coffee with you sometime, but no, I'm still not going to tell you where I live.)
   On the other hand, I'm more than happy to talk about my intended college major.  After all, if I'm planning to have my parents pay thousands of dollars of year for a fancy college degree, I'd really prefer to have a fair sense of what I'm going to do with this opportunity.  So, after much deliberation, I'm here to announce, for the whole world to know, that my I plan to major in...(drum roll)...neuroscience!
   There, was that so hard to say?  Well, apparently it's easier said than done.  If you were to approach me in person and ask what I'm going to major in, I would say something along the lines of: "I'm thinking psychology or neuroscience."  Why not just say "neuroscience," the keen reader asks.  Well, dear reader, the reason is that maybe it's just me, but every time I would say "neuroscience," the conversationalist next to me would nod his/her head, speechless, leading me to assume this person has no idea what I'm talking about.  (Because, let's face it, all of us nod like bobble-heads when we're clueless as to what the other person is blabbing about.)  But wait, urges another dubious reader, perhaps you're just paranoid; you can't assume that everyone is ignorant.
   Fair enough, random reader, but after overhearing my own father tell my grandmother that I am majoring in "microbiology, or something" maybe I'm not so paranoid after all.  Even my mother, watching over my college application process, didn't see why I wanted to make the distinction between neuroscience and psychology.  "Because," replied my nerdy self, "neuroscience is a discipline within psychology. They're not the same, and I want to reflect where precisely my interests lie."  And my parents aren't by any means clueless cretins.  (Although, in all fairness, they too have been known to bob their heads, especially when my uncle, nicknamed Dr. Science, has long conversations with my brother about the scientific wonders of the universe.)
   So, dear readers, I don't think I'm overgeneralizing by helping the masses understand neuroscience better by always linking it to psychology.  In the grand scheme of things, by doing so, will I have done anything worthwhile?  Probably not.  After all, people are only making conversation in the first place.  It would probably serve me well to stop overanalyzing everyone's responses and assume they don't understand me.  Just like I've learned to tolerate explaining where my college is to everyone who asks the first question.  HRMM.  Funny how that works out...

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Hey All You Geeks Out There...

Over recent years, I've found various sources of entertainment that, while admittedly geeky, I feel worthy of attention, so much that I would like to share them with other people.  Thus, I've created this ongoing list of such sources, to be updated as I see fit.  Now then, enjoy, my fellow nerdlings! 
  • Discover Magazine - A science nerd's dream come true!  Tons of insightful articles about the latest discoveries in science.  My personal favorites tend to be of the neuroscience variety, pretty much anything about the brain. Anyway, if you can't be bothered to order the subscription, you can find plenty of great articles online at http://discovermagazine.com/
  • TED Talks - I first discovered this series through my psychology teacher and now am absolutely hooked.  In short, TED Talks is a series of lectures on just about everything--scientific news, politics, philosophy, design, etc. I  can't promise that you'll find every single "Talk" fascinating, but there's certainly something for everyone, provided they're curious and willing to listen.  Podcasts come out several times a week, or you can check out the website for videos and more: http://www.ted.com/talks 
  • 60 Minutes - As the name suggests, it's an hour-long, in-depth investigation of an interesting topic, whether it be science, people, etc.  Always great, always entertaining, it's no surprise that it has won a ton of awards and been around for ages.  You won't even know 60 minutes have gone by... http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/60minutes/main3415.shtml?tag=hdr
  • Mythbusters - A show that is the geekier but, arguably, more awesome cousin of Ghostbusters.  Adam, Jamie and company will use any means to either confirm or debunk myths using empirical experiments, but in a fun way, of course. http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/mythbusters/

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Poetry for Dummies

Ah, poetry.  As soon as an English teacher mentions it, you can almost always expect the nauseated faces, collective moans n' groans, and, here and there, the smile of someone who actually likes poetry.  As for myself, I've always fallen somewhere in between the extremes of total disgust and passionate adoration.  When it comes to writing, I tend to prefer prose, especially fiction.  Even so, I'm a good enough writer that, if necessary, I can write and analyze poetry.  However, I confess, I too once feared poetry; I hardly knew how to critique or write it, despite that I could create decent poems.  When composing poetry, I was rather clueless as to what I was doing.  My thought process would be something like: "Hm, this sounds like an interesting idea...Let me just write a few lines...throw in some line divisions that sound nice...some semi-deep imagery...OK, done!"

So, given that the majority of people don't seem to either enjoy or understand poetry (or both), I thought I would write a sort of "for dummies" guide on how to analyze poetry.  Specifically, I'd like to address the infamous question: What does this poem mean?  Since I'm an AP English Lit student, for more than a month, my class has been fixated on poetry.  In fact, for several weeks, we had to write 2 papers per week and each paper addressed this question.  I'm pleased to say that I've got my analytic technique down to a formula.  Now I'm not saying you should treat every poetry assignment this way and I mean no disrespect; this is simply my method of choice when I'm pressed for time (like an exam) and need something quick and effective.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for:

A Guide on the Art of Bullshi--Err, Poetry Analysis

Welcome, annoyed student!  So, your teacher wants you to analyze some poetry, eh?  I know you're terrified but here: take a barf bag and listen carefully to these simple steps.

1) i) If you've been given a list of poems to choose from, pick the one that annoys you the least.  Seriously, make this as painless for yourself as possible.  However, obviously make sure you actually understand what the poem is saying.  Feel free to take notes and mark up your copy with anything you notice right away.
ii) If you've been assigned the poem, it's the same process, except you're not strategically picking your poem from a list.  Oh, and if you have absolutely no idea what the poem is saying, your teacher probably hates you.  But don't worry; just read, take notes and never, ever underestimate the power of bullshit.

2) Take a step back for a moment and answer this question: what is the poem doing?  In other words, what is the speaker's goal?  To make an argument?  Describe a memory?  It doesn't have to be a deep answer and exactly what literary critics think the poem is about.  So keep it simple and sweet.  When in doubt, as we say in lit class, go with your gut.

3) Next important question to ask yourself: how does the speaker accomplish this goal?  Well, the reason your gut understands the underlying goal of this poem is because either you've read the analysis on Sparknotes or the poem has effectively used something called "devices."  Writing, like any other work, requires tools.  Here are some common ones that, odds are, your poet used:
  • Structure - rhyme, rhythm, line or stanza-division
  • "Music" - alliteration, consonance, assonance
  • Metaphor - symbol, simile, personification, allegory
  • Imagery - remember your five senses!
  • Word choice / diction
That's just to name the big devices.  Pick 3 devices your speaker uses.  I recommend including structure on that list, but that's just what I find works best.  Once you've chosen your devices, you're ready to write that essay.  So enough with the prewriting already!  Onwards to victory!

4) Your introduction should be fairly straightforward.  Just make sure you cover the basics of all you want to say.  Your first sentence, for instance, should be nothing more than: "In [poet]'s [poem title], the speaker seeks to [do something]."  Then, with a quick transition, dedicate at least a sentence to each device and how it adds to accomplishing this goal.  For example, you might say that imagery engages the senses, allowing the reader to understand the central message more fully.  Does that sound vague to you?  Remember what I told you before: never underestimate the power of bullshit!  Anyway, once you're done explaining your three devices, your thesis should serve as your final sentence.  Again, do it like Thoreau: "simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!"  Your thesis should be something along the lines of: "Overall, the speaker uses the devices of [this], [that] and [something else] to [accomplish the big, super-important goal that tells us what the poem means]."

5) Like the essay overall, each body paragraph has a simple, easy to follow structure.  The topic sentence should both relate back to thesis (as holds true for any essay) and describe how the device serves the speaker.  Then, the paragraph becomes a combination of two components: textual examples and analysis.  Pick pieces of the poem that illustrate how the device works to reinforce the central idea and analyze them until your fingers fall off.  Then glue your fingers back on and give a concluding sentence that summarizes how the device contributes to accomplishing the goal.  Repeat this for each device.  It's really not all that hard, just a major pain the butt.  Unless, of course, you enjoy analyzing poetry and explaining its deep philosophical meaning.  In which case, this will be like a party for you.

6) The concluding paragraph is, frankly, nothing more than rewording your introductory paragraph.  All you need to do is summarize and repeat everything you've said.  I try to leave the reader with an interesting line at the end, something to ponder, but it's not a necessary component of your essay.  Hey look, you're done!  Now print that essay and go to bed.

7) Optional steps include...giving your document humorous names to reflect your irritation with this task (such as "poempoop" or "stupidpoetrycrap") and blogging about your experiences.

8) Also, if you are an English teacher, poetry enthusiast or anyone else that takes poetry analysis very seriously, please resist the urge to gather your torches and pitchforks, and read the hidden label on this post: "Warning: May contain sarcasm...and nuts"

I'm Not Dead Yet

A little Spamalot reference for the more observant among you. Anyway...

So, I just wanted to give a brief update. (Not that anyone actually reads this blog, but, for what it's worth, I like to keep track of these sorts of things.) For the record, I finished the last of my college applications over winter break, so now that that hellish period of my life is over--and following the completion of midterms--hopefully the remainder of my high school career will actually be enjoyable. I cannot begin to tell you how glad I am to be leaving high school. Not that all of it was bad, but, needless to say, I feel more than ready to move on.

This transition also means I should have more time to be diligent about this blog. For my next post, I'm thinking of doing a reflection on a recent experience of mine. But before you yawn, I promise, if I go through with it, I'll use my trademark wit to make it a pleasurable read--no long, verbose, whimsical reflections on the meaning of life. Sorry, you won't find that here. Somewhat humorous reflections on being a teenager, however, are quite the norm.

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